These warm summer months always bring this feeling about. Its easy to stay in all day, and evening, and night in those cold winter months hugging a cup of coco. And I always remind myself that I get plenty of extra hours in on my work during those dark months, that when summer comes I can lighten up my load and go do more fun things, guilt free. But alas, here I am counting hours, counting precious moments of the day and mentally debating how to split them up. I am preoccupied with the possibilities of what my day would turn into if I dropped my pencil and went for a bike ride instead, or a long walk, and if I could complete that task without dwelling on the fact that I’m supposed to be structuring my time so that today is a 9-5 work day, and you don’t get to go on bike rides in the middle of your shift. It seems I’m caught in the position that every self employed person reaches at one point or another; or in my case, every other day. But maybe I come home, and work from 4 to midnight… that is still a full day, no? But what if I don’t.
Luckily for me, it just started raining, and that bike ride no longer seems applicable. Although, to go on a bike ride, you need to own a bike.
It seems to be the word that haunts me.
In some ways I would say it is the very word that sums up the urges of my being- think, create, act, do- they all come together within these four letters. Yet at the same time, while it is my drive and my satisfaction comes from doing, there is a twist. Make is an insatiable god.
So I find myself struggling with myself and forgetting all of the other things that compose my life. I’ve become victim to list building, where every time I cross something off I add two more things to the bottom, and at the end of the day I only see those words without a line blocking them out. And then there are always those mental layers of “importance” put at the bottom. Make doesn’t seem to understand the necessity of social outings or the smell of fresh baked bread and the time it takes, when there is art and projects that remain unfinished. Make doesn’t understand that laundry took one hour and drawing took six. On the list, they are the same.
How do I conquer this demi-god, who is in cahoots with Time and Death? How do I put these characters in their place and feel good about hanging out with Enjoyment and Fulfillment? I suppose I’ll have to run a series of tests; scientific experiments where I am both the builder of the maze and the rat, Type I and Type II, on the drug and the placebo.
List for today
Correct colors on book cover
Test run new scanner
Send Mike Images for project
Start a new drawing
Test sizing for new jewelry
Stretch and listen to Billy Holiday
Think about frames for drawings for June show
Sculpture? As if…
Silhouette color matching
Drink more coffee.